So, getting back to Sex and the City (SITC), the original HBO series [as previously noted in this blog, I watched all six years in sequence last month], there are some interesting learnings embedded in that show for those who wish to be students. And then you might ask: students in what? Sex? Well, yes, that’s part of it, of course. But there’s more.

So first things first. Guys, listen up, which you very rarely do when it comes to what really makes women excited during sex because many of you are inherently selfish during sex. It’s all about your hard dick, which sticks way out and is hard to ignore so you perceive it as the King of the Hill, so to speak. But if you want to know what in fact makes women want to have more sex; and in fact makes sex better for their male partners, then open those ears, boys, as Samantha would say, and take some notes. [Shakespearean aside: so, I’m only focusing on hetero sex as that’s what I know; but guessing that those with same sex partners or other combos may face the same thing…]

So here I’m channeling both Samantha and Miranda from SITC, who tend to directly say what no one else wants to say or admit to. These two characters also had the best one liners, ever. Lesson One: Women love fingers and tongues “down there.” Get my drift? And we want it before you stick it to us. Unless we just met you and you are new to us, sucking your dick doesn’t make us cum. There, I said it. Got it? If you do this well, the Kingdom of Sex is yours, forever and a day. Simple. [Now, not to say we don’t love your Big Boy, guys. Of course we do! But timing is everything, dudes. Think with the head on your shoulders, not the other head. Ye–ah.]

So why don’t men get it? Many dole out cunningulus like it’s a rare treat you get at holidays, if you’ve been good. Will it be in my stocking this year?? A quickie for a man can be a big fucking boring nothing for a woman. Is that really how you want us to think about your love making prowess?? So no, you don’t have to get down on us every time we have sex, but think about other foreplay tunes that will get us moving and excited in the way you want us to be. You know, like those porno videos some of you watch. Like that! And, as Miranda kindly pointed out, wipe your damn face after you finish your great work in the nether regions before kissing your partner. Ok, next topic.

So now to criticize women. Lesson One: don’t have a goal of getting married by X-date and choose the wrong person. Lesson Two: don’t be so fast on the trigger with the line, ‘Where is this heading?’ Pure poison, ladies! Yikes! Listen up: LET THE RELATIONSHIP DEFINE WHERE YOU ARE HEADED, not the calendar. Don’t put a random, artificial and temporal clamp on when your relationship should move to the next level. How you feel about each other, and how you act with one another based on those feelings, should define that. Women, yes, I’m talkin’ to you, many of us do that. And it can be a deal killer even with someone who might be “the one” down the road but who gets scared off when you start talking about babies and marriage right off the bat. Shut the fuck up, girls! Of course you can’t wait ten years, I’m not saying that, but don’t let yourself jump the gun when you’ve barely started the race. And for that matter, why does every relationship have to end in a marriage? Some are amazing experiences but don’t end with a ring, but are life enriching, exciting, give you practice in relationships, and all that. Ok, like the dumbass saying that happens to be true most of the time: if you love something set it free, blah, blah. Yeah, finger down the throat but it is a good test of true love.

Admittedly so, the women of Sex and the City were neurotic in so many ways. And frankly, had way too many sex partners. One episode asked the question: are we sluts? I kind of wanted to say, yes, ladies, given how many one-night stands you have, you are sluts. And then suddenly they meet someone and they want to know after the third date ‘where this is going.’ Uh, ladies, I see some neurotic tendencies seeping out of your amazing outfit. But, hey, this is fiction, right? Right? [But to have their figures! My god, Ladies of SITC, you always looked delicious!]

So there you go, today’s lesson for men and women from Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte and I guess Lady Proverbs too. Mike drop! [Or should I say vibrator drop, Samantha?]

From Lady Proverbs, somewhere on the Oregon Coast

January 17, 2021