Honoring Fallon’s Thank You Notes

Friday thank you notes from Jimmy Fallon are a needed release valve for an extra long week at work, or as a balm against whoever is driving you crazy at home since last March. They are generally timely, hit our funny bone in just the right spot, and recognize the absurd and hilarious aspects of our lives and our world in real time. In honor of Fallon’s Thank You Notes, below are some Monday thank you notes to start the week. Thanks Mr. Jimmy for always being inspiring (well, almost always; no one is perfect, dude)!

  1. Thank you, ocean, for stopping at the line of the shore (most of the time) and not producing tsunamis every day. #KissYourAssGoodbye #ILiveOnTheCoast
  2. Thank you, doctors, nurses and healthcare people, for working so hard to heal all those with COVID, including The Stupids who refuse to wear masks, who go to Super-spreader events, and who think COVID is a hoax. #StupidIsAsStupidDoes
  3. Thank you, Cadbury chocolate company, for making long evenings in isolation tolerable for those who have a chocolate addiction, or at least a hankering, for your candy bars. And Fruit & Nut Cadbury bars can be considered healthy given the inclusion of raisins and almonds, so there. #ChocolateIsAFoodGroup
  4. Thank you, grocery store workers, for continuing to come to work and make sure that the rest of us can get food and drink, even those who walk down aisles in the wrong direction, wear their masks in wonky ways, and never say thank you. #StoreCheckersRock
  5. Thank you, parents, for not killing your children when they are completely driving you ape shit in your forced proximity 24/7. See Number 10. #MurderAlternativesInc
  6. Thank you Black Lives Matter for teaching the country how protest should be done, and trying for the millionth damn time to get whites to understand what the fuck is going on. #WhenTheFuckWhatTheFuck
  7. Thank you, electric companies, for tolerating our lack of love. We take you for granted every day until a snow and ice storm happens and a quarter million people in one state lose electricity for days. Oh, how we love you. #KissALinemanToday
  8. Thank you, COVID pandemic, for not happening 30 years ago before we had Zoom, cell phones, Grubhub, streaming tv and Amazon. #ThanksForWaiting
  9. Thank you, Oregon, for continuing to NOT allow people to pump their own gas. I don’t want to do fucking everything myself and also smell like gas and get drips on my shoes. #DownWithSelf-service!
  10. And lastly, thank you legal pot stores across the nation, for giving us an alternative to getting drunk and dangerous. Stoned and mellow is so-much-better. #OneTokeOverTheLine

From Lady Proverbs, somewhere on the Oregon Coast.

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