DATELINE: November 19, 2020, from Lady Proverbs, somewhere on the Oregon Coast
The husband and I have had some pretty blah days lately. Technical definition: blah days are when you are mentally and physically just not ok, with some (but in our case not all) physical issues caused by the mental ones. Examples: stomach issues related to nerves, eg, when Dementia Mom dives out of windows.
Yet as part of our American culture, and our family culture, it’s not considered ok to ever do nothing. Nothing defined as staring out the window; watching lame ass tv; mindlessly looking at the FB scroll. As a culture, we’re supposed to fix the blahs: exercise, meditate, take antidepressants, see a counselor.
I decided this week to Embrace and Blah, and announced such to The Husband. His physical issues were related to a very strong med he had to start taking related to his cancer recovery and a glitch that recently occurred. Mine related to Dementia Mom. He is very rarely slowed down in his writing work, which is serious stuff, philosophy stuff; while mine is fiction, made up stuff. So he keeps writing through the blah. I try, not that hard, to fill a page. Then I drift.
It’s been raining like hell for about a week, so walking it off, which I usually do, has been interrupted each time by sideways rain so intense that I return home wet enough to have to change all my clothes. As an Oregonian, I’m used to having to dry out and we dry real well, but the coastal rain storms have their own extra drops per inch ratio that bring a whole new dimension to rain. Oregonians have many, many names for the different types of rain, just as Native Alaskans have for snow.
So after a few days of literally feeling like I was frozen in place, like a tongue stuck to a frozen light pole, I announced out loud to The Husband that I was Embracing the Blah. While he laughed and I laughed, I’m very serious. I just retired and I’m fucking tired. Like most Americans, I worked my ass off working since I was 14. Then Mama Bear brings a tiredness that is even harder to shake than almost 50 years in the workforce.
So I’m Embracing the Blah when I feel like it. No solutions. Keep your damn solutions to yourself. If I want to be Blah than I’m going to be and I’m not going to feel like I’m being a lazy ass. People with money go on spa vacations or to India to mediate in an ashram or some other chic solution to the ennui of the wealthy. But I’ll just stay in our little AirBNB, looking out at the ocean, contemplating the waves and the sky and the rain slamming against the windows…and bow to the Blah.
And maybe try some gummy edibles. I’m ok. You’re ok too.